My kids have a fantastic book on resilience called “Jilly and the Bully”. But after reading it SO many times (they love it!) I’m wondering if a better title is perhaps: “Jilly and the child that made a really bad choice, but who improved his behavior after she and he spoke and subsequently shouldn’t really be labelled as a bully”?
A few years ago, my husband was forced to deal with some exceptionally bad driving in front of him through busy Canberra traffic . As another car executed a particularly dangerous move, my normally very patient husband muttered “Tool!” and kept on doing his best in the busy traffic.
Focusing on the road ahead, he and I kept on chatting until the adorable voice of our 18-month-old in his car seat piped up: “Tool? Toooooool! Tool! Toollllllll! Tooooooool?”
Why do they copy EVERYTHING?!
It seems this never changes. Our now young children copy our actions, our attitudes and our words. In my work as a High School teacher, perhaps the funniest and saddest example of this I ever saw was a father swearing at his daughter because she swore at her teacher. Sometimes as parents we can be so blind.
What I have noticed though is that my children pick up my attitudes and my words often before I’ve even had a chance to “teach” them what I’m saying. It’s with this in mind, that we have to be so careful about what we say and do especially around the current buzzword of “bullying”. Before I go on, it needs to be understood that bullying is always wrong. It is unacceptable and needs to be dealt with very strongly but just what is bullying and what is it not?
Bullying is:
“Repeated verbal, physical, social or psychological behaviour that is harmful and involves the misuse of power by an individual or group towards one or more persons.”(education.nsw.gov.au)Bullying is not:
One off, exceptionally poor behavioural (verbal, physical, social) choices that still need to be dealt with yet can sadly hurt another child.
If we call these normal life situations "bullying" we can develop a victim mentality in our children and give them the perception that the world is out to get them. Whereas if we empower them to take a stand against inexcusable behavior by following the correct procedures, the child will feel in control and in a lot of situations the offensive behavior will stop.
It can sometimes be helpful to stop and ask, what exactly are the words and concepts I am teaching my child? Is this helpful for them, not only now but long term? Do I need to adjust my words or perhaps even my thoughts?
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